Sunday, October 11, 2015

Adulthood: It'll come together

I want to be an adult.
I want to wear blazers and pencil skirts, and hear the clicking of my heels as I walk to work every morning with a Starbucks cup in my hand. I imagine the people on the street looking at me. She's got her life together. 

Of course, I really don't have my life together. The Starbucks cup is holding hot chocolate, the blazer is from the juniors section of Kohl's, and I hate walking in heels for more than two hours. 

But when I'm walking down the street--it feels good. 

I want to be an adult. 
I want to go home to my own house, slip off those heels, and relax. I imagine sitting there and thinking I have my life together. 

Of course, I really won't have my life together. The house will probably be a small apartment on the outskirts of town, and the relaxation will probably include eating ice cream in my bed at 1 a.m. 

But when I daydream about it--it looks good.

By society's standard, I am an adult. I've reached the age where all responsibility eventually falls back on me.

But by my standard, I am still a child. 

I still need people, I still ask for help, and I still wonder what I'll be when I grow up.

I want to be an adult.
I want to make decisions for myself and live freely. 

I want to be adult, but I don't want to be different. 

I still want to find joy in everyday life, I still want to learn and wonder about the world, I still want have fun. 

I'm in the evening of my youth. Soon I will have bills to pay. I'll have to get up every morning and go to work. I'll have to get up every morning. I'll be solely responsible for myself. Someday I might even be responsible for other people. I am not ready for that. 

Maybe I don't want to be adult--not yet.

I'll get my life together someday. I have time.



Love,
Beth


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