(Off)stage Fright

Anyone who knows me knows that I love musical theatre. Many of my friends and family members have been forced to watch movie musicals, listen to cast recordings, and hear me spew useless facts about the performers. And although my obsession has mellowed out over time I still love theatre and I really enjoy(ed) performing.

When I started taking voice lessons during my sophomore year of high school I wanted to be a belter like Idina Menzel or Patti LuPone. I had always sung as an alto in choir so I decided that I would never be a soprano like Julie Andrews or Kelli O'Hara. I would screlt (scream-belt) songs in my room when no one was home. I even recorded them and put them on the Internet.

Bad idea. People online can be cruel. I already didn't think much of myself when it came to singing. The negative feedback made me feel even worse. 

As time went by I worked hard to improve. I took every opportunity I could to perform. I auditioned for every solo in choir (I even got one my senior year). I was cast in shows. I stopped trying to sing like Idina Menzel or Julie Andrews and started trying to be myself. 

Yet, to this day if I am not in the shower, in a voice lesson, completely alone, or actually performing in a show, I don't sing. Many times I have been in a car full of friends singing along to the radio and remained silent. Deep down I still doubt myself and my abilities. I know I'm never going to be a Broadway star but why am I so afraid to express myself? 

I am slowly gaining the confidence I know I deserve to have but I still have some work to do.

So to anyone who's ever asked me to sing, I'm sorry I said no. Be patient with me. 

Love,

Beth