When I started taking voice lessons during my sophomore year of high school I wanted to be a belter like Idina Menzel or Patti LuPone. I had always sung as an alto in choir so I decided that I would never be a soprano like Julie Andrews or Kelli O'Hara. I would screlt (scream-belt) songs in my room when no one was home. I even recorded them and put them on the Internet.
Bad idea. People online can be cruel. I already didn't think much of myself when it came to singing. The negative feedback made me feel even worse.
As time went by I worked hard to improve. I took every opportunity I could to perform. I auditioned for every solo in choir (I even got one my senior year). I was cast in shows. I stopped trying to sing like Idina Menzel or Julie Andrews and started trying to be myself.
Yet, to this day if I am not in the shower, in a voice lesson, completely alone, or actually performing in a show, I don't sing. Many times I have been in a car full of friends singing along to the radio and remained silent. Deep down I still doubt myself and my abilities. I know I'm never going to be a Broadway star but why am I so afraid to express myself?
I am slowly gaining the confidence I know I deserve to have but I still have some work to do.
So to anyone who's ever asked me to sing, I'm sorry I said no. Be patient with me.